


Oh wow, I'm so gay!

by justmarcialima



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Ass-Kicking, BAMF River Song, F/F, Middle Ages, Minor Violence, Period-Typical Sexism, Sexism, Swearing, Threats of Violence, terrible men, women kicking ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 03:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16716050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justmarcialima/pseuds/justmarcialima
Summary: "Oh wow, I'm so gay." The Doctor muttered to herself as she watched River Song beating terrible men up.





	Oh wow, I'm so gay!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know where this idea came from, I just wanted to write the Doctor saying that she's very gay for River and that's what I came up with. 
> 
>  
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments.

It had everything to be a very ordinary day. The Doctor, Ryan, Yaz and Graham landed somewhere in the middle ages and were appalled by the filthiness of everything. 

“Ew, I understand why its called the dark ages now.” Yaz muttered disgusted as she side stepped a literal human turd on the street. 

“Why our teachers didn't told us about how filthy everything is here?” Ryan asked, trying not to breath in the fetid air. 

“I guess knowing about this isn't an important historical event.” The Doctor shrugged. “Don't ask me, I don't understand anything about public education. Although, I went disguised as a teacher and janitor in some of my previous lives.” She exclaimed, excitedly. 

“Tell me again why are we here?” Graham asked. 

“The TARDIS picked up a distress signal.” The Doctor explained, looking into her sonic screwdriver. “We are almost on top of what triggered it.” 

They turned a corner to find several men surrounding a single woman, looking at her threateningly. She was young, dark skinned, short and sickly thin. She was wearing a simple and raggedy dress and looked terrified. The men were shouting angrily at her and there was one holding her arm tightly. The girl had tears in her dark eyes in pain. The people around were just looking and not doing anything.

“I'll teach yer filthy slut to not rob again!” The man yelled at her face, spit flowing out of his mouth and hitting the girl's face. 

He lifted his other hand to slap the girl's face and the Doctor and her companions were ready run to them when a blonde curly haired woman stopped him by grabbing his arm mid air with her perfectly manicured hand. The Doctor gasped and her companions looked at her in confusion. 

The man looked at the woman and she tsked at him. “That is not a way to treat a lady.” 

She was wearing clothes that were definitely not appropriate for the time period. She was wearing a black shirt with a deep cleavage, a leather jacket of the same color, tight skinny jeans and high heeled boots. There was a type of phaser trapped in her thigh holster and she had on a dark red lipstick. The look in her eyes was dangerous. 

The man released his arm from her grasp and looked at her viciously. “Don't mess with what's none of your business, whore!” 

She looked sarcastically offended, even going as far as putting a hand on her chest in false indignation. “That's not a way to speak to a lady, either.” 

“Piss off, cunt!” One of the men from the throng yelled at her, being followed by many others. 

She sighed. “And I was being careful to not enter any confusion today.” The blonde muttered to herself. “But you lot are just asking for it.” 

The man in front of her released the girl's arm forcefully, throwing her to the ground and causing her to release the apple she had in her hand. He stomped to the blonde's personal space and lifted a hand to smack her in the face. “Stop running your mouth, bitch. I'm gonna teach you some manners.”

She rolled her eyes. “Men.” She said in disgust and muttered sarcastically right after to him. “Sure. But first let me do this...” With that she raised her first and delivered a right hook right into the man's nose, knocking him out cold. After this all hell broke lose and the men launched at her in furious and dumb attack. 

The Doctor and her companions were glued to their spots, unable to move and they watched the woman make her way into the throng of enraged men like it was nothing. She was throwing punches and kicks and the men were falling around her like dominoes. It was amazing. And incredibly hot. “Oh wow, I'm so gay.” The Doctor muttered in a daze. “Super gay.” 

“Doctor!” Yaz snapped her out of it. “We should help her, there's too many of them.” Yaz was right of course, so they ran right into the midst of battle. Yaz was really good at immobilizing people – a perk of her day to day job – and Graham was a master at tripping people up. Ryan mostly stayed out of the way because he wasn't sure if he was coordinated enough to punch someone without hurting himself in the process and the Doctor applied Venusian aikido to the ones that approached her. Since Ryan was out of the ruckus he ran to the fallen girl and reassured her that he would not do her harm and helped her up. The Doctor distracted herself for a moment and did not see a man behind her lifting up a piece of wood to knock her out. Ryan yelled “Look out!” but before he could hit her, the blonde woman was pressing her gun to his head from behind and looked furious. 

“Touch a hair on my wife's head and you'll wish you've never been born.” She hissed and the man dropped the piece of wood, lifting his hands. All the men were groaning on the floor by now and she made sure she was heard by all of them. “I'll give you a chance to run away now that I'm feeling merciful. But if I ever saw you lot here again I will not hesitate to kill you.” 

The ones that could get up ran away, dragging along the ones that were unconscious and soon they were alone. The other people having fled when the ruckus began. The woman sighed and put away her gun, smiling at the Doctor and winking. “They don't need to know that I'll never come here again.” 

The Doctor was flushed and she was looking at the woman in awe. The TARDIS team had never seen her looking at someone like that. 

“Hello sweetie.” The woman smirked at her and bit her bottom lip. 

“How did you know it was me?” The Doctor asked. She was out of breath but not because of the fight. 

River rolled her eyes and walked close to her. “The clothes were a dead giveaway. Also, I called you here.”

“You were the distress signal?” The alien asked and her wife nodded. “Why?”

“I just relieved a king of a very big and rare diamond and was looking for a way out.” She smiled. “Didn't intend to end up in a fight though.” 

“You always end up in a fight, River.” The Doctor beamed at her. “And you should not expect me to be an accomplice for your crimes.” 

“But you always are anyways because you love me.” She winked. 

“True but I don't like what this means for my moral code.” River laughed and pulled her by the suspenders, pressing their bodies together. 

“Your moral code is fine, it just have a loop hole for me.” She bit her bottom lip. “Have I told you yet I quite love this body of yours? So many new things to try...” River caressed the Doctor's waist causing her to shiver. “I'm all worked up for the fight, don't you want to undo me?” She whispered against the Doctor's ear, biting on her earlobe slightly. 

The Time Lord whined and dropped her head on River's shoulder, muttering against her skin. “I'm so gay. So so gay.” Causing her wife to laugh out loud. 

They were interrupted by a cough and looked around, finding the Doctor's companions looking confused and the young girl. River sighed and pinched the Doctor's arse before whispering “Later.” as she disentangled herself from the alien. 

“Thank you so much!” The young girl said with tears in her eyes as they approached them. She was clinging to Ryan's side. “I was only robbing food so I could feed my little sisters and brothers.” She whispered. The girl looked malnourished and tired, like she was carrying the weigh of the world on her shoulders. The Doctor felt her hearts tighten. 

“How many siblings do you have?” Ryan asked her. 

“Five, they are all younger than me.” She whispered. “I'm the only person they have.” 

The Doctor and her wife looked at each other and decided right then and there that they would help the kids. The girl led them to were her siblings and her were staying and in the way the companions tried to ask who was River but the Doctor shut them out saying she would answer later and that they had more pressing matters at hand. The kids lived under a clammy and damp bridge and looked worse for wear. The older of them could not be older than eight, while the girl looked like she was fourteen. They managed to help the kids with food, clothes and housing, leaving them with the diamond so they would not be hungry ever again. River willingly gave away her robbed prize if it meant the kids would be safe and that was only one of the reasons that the Doctor loved her so much. 

By the end of the day they made their way into the TARDIS feeling in their hearts tht they had done something good. 

“Won't the King come for the kids?” Yaz asked. 

“Don't worry, I left them with a plan.” River smirked. Turned out River had instructed the kids to go back to the king's place with the diamond and tell him they had found it. She knew the king was merciful and would pity the kids, giving them assistance for the rest of their lives as the Doctor proved it by looking for proof of it on the TARDIS computer. 

Assured that the kids would be fine, the companions finally focused on what they wanted to know. 

“So who are you?” Ryan asked directly. 

“I'm Doctor River Song, the Doctor's wife.” She smiled at their disbelieving exclamations. “I'm sure you have many questions and we will answer it but now I want to have a moment with my wife. Preferably at our bedroom.” She winked at them and grabbed her blushing wife's hand, pulling her towards the corridors. “Don't expect us to show up in less than two days.” She yelled over her shoulder as their disappeared. 

 

The only thing they could hear was the echo of the Doctor's voice saying: “So so gay.”


End file.
